I feel horrible. I had a bad day and unleashed. The results, I got 4 more readers. To those 3 readers that stayed, you have issues. To the 4 that signed up, you have even more issues. Seriously I do feel bad about calling it quits and hope you will take me back. I feel like an alcoholic that is returning to the bottle, but you my readers are the wife that won’t let go. It’s cool and all that I received a few more readers after I called it quits, but I am a little more depressed that the increase in traffic is really just a ploy to watch the crazy man lose his mind.
I am not sure where we will go next, but I appreciate the support and will return to some weekly posts. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate the brothers, family members, and cousins from Onemans kin in Alabama, but I am not sure if you really count as true readers as Alabama has some messed up laws. I highlighted (bolded) a few of the reasons why I am not allowed to visit the state, with the primary one being my need to “sell” blow-out nuts!
• You must subscribe via RSS to Bloggers that quit and hate blogging.
• Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
• An ordinance in Linden, Ala., provided that all women of “uncertain chastity” had to be off the streets by 9 p.m.
• Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
• Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
• Children of incestuous couples are deemed legitimate.
• Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
• Hunting is not allowed on Sunday.
• Incestuous marriages are legal.
• It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
• It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
• It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
• It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone’s pity.
• It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
• It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
• It is legal to drive the wrong way on a one way street if you have a lantern on the front of your car.
• It is unlawful to wear women’s pumps with sharp, high heels.
• It’s against the law for a man to seduce “a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage.”
• It’s illegal to play dominoes on Sunday.
• Jasper: It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
• Lee County: It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
• Masks may not be worn in public
• Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
• Mobile: It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits. It is unlawful to wear women’s pumps with sharp, high heels.
• Montgomery: It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses.
• No persons may sell “blow-out nuts”.
• Peanuts are not allowed to be sold in Lee County, Alabama after sunset on Wednesdays.
• Pool halls may not be operated between 11:30 PM and 6 AM.
• Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
• Slavery is still legal in Decatur, Alabama.
• The game of crackaloo is illegal in Fairfield, Ala.
• Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.
• Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.
• You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.
• You may not drive barefooted.
• You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
• You must have windshield wipers on your car.
To those three people still subscribed to my blog, I appreciate the pub but I need to tell you, I really suck at blogging. You see the benefits of blogging are nothing more than an ego boost to make myself feel important, keep busy, and mess around with some open source software.
I am not very good at breaking up, but I need to ask you to leave now. You see my fellow visitors, I don’t really think you are worthy of the good things I have to say and I am not 100% you really like me, so I am moving into a platform that can garner more than 3 fricking reader.
I did all the right things, I made friends in high places (OneMan), I bought a copy of Word Press for Dummies, I purchased a couple million incoming links, a used some software to generate links on forums, I create a half million doorway pages, and made fun of some cool industry people. To what benefit? A loss of 40 hours of my life, 3 subsribers, 1 fan (www.yetanothermansblog.com), 1 wasted domain registration, and a whole crapload of spam based comments.
To make a long story short I am asking you to go away and never come back. I am not into this whole “just being friends” dealio, so remove yourself from my blog or feel the wrath of .htaccess.
Have a good life and if we run into each other on some sappy forum; please don’t make eye contact with me or send me a PM.
Yeah, I am going to catch a little hell for this, but I have a quirky movie written by Nicholas Sparks ans starring Shane West/Mandy Moore. You’ll have to watch it to get the full picture, but in the movie there is a list of 10 Things to Do Before You Die…. (kinda of a spoiler, but oh well)….
The Video…
Maybe someday I will post my full list, but for now here is one of my life long goals!
1.) I want to star in a production of Glenn Garry Glenn Ross - and yes I want to be Alec Baldwin..
I pay homage to the poster boys of Windows 95, also know as Weezer. That’s right the Buddy Holly, 32-Bit Operating System Poster Boys are at it again with a new twist, but instead of spooning in bed with Bill Gates, they are paying homage to our boys at YouTube/Google.
I like Weezer, don’t get me wrong - I have watched their newest video 4-5 times and they have some awesome marketing tactics.
Good Idea:
Microsoft includes the Buddy Holly video from Weezer to show us that they are hip and cool.
Bad Execution:
Microsoft fails to realize that a video mocking “Happy Days” and the Cunninghams isn’t that cool.
A few introduction’s before we get started with Pork and Beans, because this video is laced with Internet Viral Superstars including the Numa Numa guy, Daft Punk and many more peeps that have been viewed millions of times for doing something funny.
and finally a little Pork and Beans, Weezer style…..
The above is not a billboard, but I thought it would make a great one.
At first I was going to call this a subliminal message; but it’s not really that subliminal, is it?
Props goes out to http://www.dribbleglass.com
I am still trying to configure my answering machine to be as smart as this one!
I have no idea why I like to single people out. First it was “One Man” and when I heard our buddy Matt Cutts was a the fan of a feline, I couldn’t help remember the Bonsai Kitten Hoax a few years back. If you were not lucky enough to see it, the basis of the hoax was the ability to pre-package a kitten into a jar with feeding tubes for display in your house. It caused a slight stir on the Internet with people complaining about animal cruelty. My version of Bonsai Kitten, includes Matt Cutts - but I had to get a little more creative with this since their is only “one” Matt Cutts.
A couple of things will need to take place for this to happen.
Task 1, get in touch with Rick Moranis and cross my fingers that the shrinking device he created is real!
Task 2, talk to Matt Cutts and see what price he could be purchased for - and if he would be willing to be shrink himself to fit inside the jar, and more importantly if he would accept a feeding tube.
Task 3, sell him on Ebay to the highest bidder. I am thinking some Internet Marketing Firm wishing to do some viral marketing could use Matt Cutts inside a Jar for trade show booths and maybe even advice.
Yeah, Yeah. We could do the “Matt Cutts” action figure - but how boring would that be. I would prefer to have an original miniature Matt Cutts in a Jar.
If you have interest in this, I can easily broker the deal. To get you thinking, I have created what a graphic to get you excited.
For those not satisfied with just believing my Bonsai Kitten story - visit Wikipeida:Bonsai Kitten for more info.
Also, I might start taking applications. If you have a desire to be 4-5 inches tall, live in jar, and be left on some executives office shelf for a period of one or more years, drop me an email.
How could “Another Man” really compete with “One Man” without his own analytic service and riding the coattail of a superstar?
Still in the early stages of development, I am happy to announce Poopra - A Nationwide Bathroom Analytics Package. (acronym is N-BAP) With the need to understand what, how, and why people use the restroom, I have been hard at work installing and configuring RFID chips and remote reporting in millions of public restrooms across the nation. Poopra won’t be your average N-BAP but track such information as….
- % Poopers
- % of Wipers
- % of Hand Washers
- % of Talkers (those who like to converse while doing the deed)
- % of Emailers (those you enjoy using their mobile device to email people)
- % Political Signalers (we would have called this one “Craigers”, but didn’t want to get in trouble)
- % of Women Bathroom Visits
- % of Men Bathroom Visits
- % of Handicap Stall Visits
Live Tracking and Bathroom Statistics
Poopra’s revolutionary toilet bowl architecture, combined with its intuitively designed client software, enables seamless tracking of bathroom. Bathroom owners can track over 40 different lavatory events and analytics. Never before has so much information been instantaneously available to lavatory enthusiasts.
While still in early development we wanted to give you a sneak preview of the features we have enabled!
Click Image for Bigger Image. (Trust me, it’s worth the click)
The above stats represent a partnership with 113 airports nationwide. As part of an elite beta testing team, Poopra has been installed and configured to gather stats in some of the busiest and most used bathrooms nationwide.
As the final touches are being completed on Poopra, we will start taking applications from public bathroom owners.
Alright, how can you turn a back to a Jay-Z/Matt Cutts Mashup video. Make sure you give it a few seconds to kick in, it’s a real dude rapping about CSS, HTML, SEO, and Coding.
Good Job goes out to : Poetic Prophet, aka The SEO Rapper.
It might be a “Back to the Future” Web 2.0 application, but handy if you need to pound out a postal letter to your grandma, business associate, or you just want to have your own virtual mail room to feel like a corporate giant. Nonetheless www.postful.com (not to be mistaken with the makers of Raisin Bran) provides a nice service to allows you to translate e-mail to print in the matter of minutes.
