If you are a new reader of this Blog, you will need to self educate yourself to fully enjoy this post. First you have to check out Woopra - the best online analytics package available.
Next you will need to read about Poopra - the best online lavatory analytics package available.
Once you have read about both of these exciting products you will understand the below “Plugin” and the power it will bring to the online restroom analytics game. In a battle to get to the top, Poopra is engaging unique features and ways to put good use to it’s online application.
Being an avid coffee drinker, I am hard at work producing the Kopi Luwak Poopra plugin to monitor and keep on the lookout for that “special” bean. My programmers and scientist have been engaged in the chemical breakdown of identifying additional coffee beans that could be used for the “ultimate” cup of coffee.
If you are not familiar with Kopi Luwak, here is what Wikipedia has to say about it….
Kopi Luwak (pronounced [ˈkopi ˈluwak]) or Civet coffee is coffee made from coffee berries which have been eaten by and passed through the digestive tract of the Asian Palm Civet (Paradoxurus hermaphroditus). The civets eat the berries, but the beans inside pass through their system undigested. This process takes place on the islands of Sumatra, Java and Sulawesi in the Indonesian Archipelago, and in the Philippines (where the product is called Kape Alamid). Vietnam has a similar type of coffee, called weasel coffee, which are coffee berries which have been defecated by local weasels. In actuality the “weasel” is just the local version of the Asian Palm Civet.
Kopi Luwak is the most expensive coffee in the world, selling for between $120 and $600 USD per pound, and is sold mainly in Japan and the United States. It is increasingly becoming available elsewhere, though supplies are limited: only 1,000 pounds (450 kg) at most make it into the world market each year (Pg 23, The Gospel According to Starbucks; Sweet). One small cafe, the Heritage Tea Rooms, in the hills outside Townsville in Queensland, Australia has Kopi Luwak coffee on the menu at A$50.00 (=US$46.00) per cup, and approximately 4 people a week are up for it, which has gained nationwide Australian press.[1]. In April 2008, the brasserie of Peter Jones department store in London’s Sloane Square starting selling a blend of Kopi Luwak.
Instead of monetizing via traditional “AdWords” or by selling banner ads on Poopra, I will be harnessing the power of Poopra to locate coffee beans that have not been digested and sending out the special forces to collect these. While my special blend won’t be digested by the Asian Palm Civet , but rather humans, I will have a very special price tag associated with the coffee.
A word of warning to Starbucks. Should this become bigger than expected you can be sure to see “PooBucks” (A Poopra Compay) on every city block in the United States. I may also need some assistance from fellow readers, if by chance you eat coffee beans and visit airports, I need some test subjects to document your consumption and deposit of these coffee beans in various airport locations.
Be on the lookout for the Poopra Coffee Blend, available online in Another Mans Blog online store!
How could “Another Man” really compete with “One Man” without his own analytic service and riding the coattail of a superstar?
Still in the early stages of development, I am happy to announce Poopra - A Nationwide Bathroom Analytics Package. (acronym is N-BAP) With the need to understand what, how, and why people use the restroom, I have been hard at work installing and configuring RFID chips and remote reporting in millions of public restrooms across the nation. Poopra won’t be your average N-BAP but track such information as….
- % Poopers
- % of Wipers
- % of Hand Washers
- % of Talkers (those who like to converse while doing the deed)
- % of Emailers (those you enjoy using their mobile device to email people)
- % Political Signalers (we would have called this one “Craigers”, but didn’t want to get in trouble)
- % of Women Bathroom Visits
- % of Men Bathroom Visits
- % of Handicap Stall Visits
Live Tracking and Bathroom Statistics
Poopra’s revolutionary toilet bowl architecture, combined with its intuitively designed client software, enables seamless tracking of bathroom. Bathroom owners can track over 40 different lavatory events and analytics. Never before has so much information been instantaneously available to lavatory enthusiasts.
While still in early development we wanted to give you a sneak preview of the features we have enabled!
Click Image for Bigger Image. (Trust me, it’s worth the click)
The above stats represent a partnership with 113 airports nationwide. As part of an elite beta testing team, Poopra has been installed and configured to gather stats in some of the busiest and most used bathrooms nationwide.
As the final touches are being completed on Poopra, we will start taking applications from public bathroom owners.
